In the small group portion of Ladies Bible Study on Wednesday, one of the other ladies used the phrase "On my knees in my closet..." I was a little taken aback, because I seriously thought that I was the only person who goes into my closet to pray. One of the other ladies must have been a little surprised also, just in a different way. She asked to clarify if the lady meant literally- her closet, or was it figurative. I learned that apparently it IS a "term" that I didn't realize existed. And after Googling it, I found that there are many people with literal "Prayer Closets". Who knew that I was so normal? Well, maybe I shouldn't go that far....
I love my closet. My closet is located inside my bathroom, so if I am in my closet with the door closed, then there are at least 2 doors between me and the rest of the world. I have no idea if my family realizes what I do in there so much.... maybe they just think I have IBS, or some affliction that it would be embarrassing to mention. I usually start out looking at the clothes and shoes... either trying to figure out what is left that I can still fit into without looking like a reject from a sausage factory... or touching some of my favorites that I am convinced I will wear again. But, even when prayer wasn't my original intent (sometimes it is just a sanctuary where I can't hear the toddler chasing the dogs with the plastic golf clubs) I always wind up on my knees. It is where I am most real. It is where shouldering the burdens of others and trying to lift them up is not neccessary. It is where I don't have to smile and tell people that I am fine after my miscarriage last month. And really -- I am fine. I have such joy in my life, and I am so blessed. But sometimes, I just lay it all down and for a little while it is ok if I am not ok. There are other times that I'm just so overwhelmed with how much HE loves me, and other times that I am praying for other people in my life. Whatever the reason, I am finding that I spend a lot of time "in the closet", and I'm ok with that.
So, I've decided to embrace it! My mission this weekend is to have that specific area designated as my "Prayer Closet". Maybe a rug/pillow to make it a little more comfy, I have a few built-in shelves that will be perfect to hold a candle, my bible, my bible study materials etc. I hope that my home is always a house where God dwells, but I kind of feel like I'm sprucing up a guest room for company. I'm so excited to be making a special place to honor Him. And, maybe I'll let my family in on the secret so they'll quit trying to push the bran products. J/K about the last part.
PS. My unanswerable question for the day: my daugher loves bananas and the baby ravioli.... but if she loves them so much, why does she rub half of it in her hair? And would it be bad to just take her in the back yard and hose her down instead of going through the WHOLE bath-time routine in the middle of the day?
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Coffee = Sanity, Maybe
Can I just get a I.V. direct line of coffee into my bloodstream? If it was not for coffee, I'm pretty certain that I would have lost my sanity about 8 days ago! Why is it that whenever you start a diet -- actually, I'm pretty sure that it's the same regardless of what you're giving up, be it food, alcohol, cigarettes, crack cocaine -- that everyone around you turns into unforgivably annoying lunatics? I started the Hcg diet a week and a half ago, and I'm attempting to live for 40 days on a 500 calorie a day diet. No comments, please. I'm not an idiot, I've done my research into the science behind this diet. 500 calories a day is not sustainable, unless you're getting the daily injections of Hcg... which I am. My problem is not with hunger, it's with my brain that keeps telling me that I want FOOD! :-)
It's SO difficult, but I've seen that the weight will come off as long as I stick to it exactly, so it really is all on me! Either way, I walk away from this diet with a better feeling because 1 of 2 things will happen. 1) (my favorite) I get smart and stick to it until the end and fight the weight off and enjoy the closet full of clothes that have been missing my attention for months or 2) I realize that I don't really despise my body and curves as much as I thought I did, because the reward is not worth the pain.
Coffee has kept me sane, though. When my toddler has crumbled oreos from the kitchen all the way into the living room to mix with the milk she spilled on the entertainment center, and my dog has copped a squat in his favorite place (the dining room, for crying out loud!), my teenager announces that regardless of the fact that I've been cleaning all day.... everything except myself, that is, that she needs supplies for a project... by tomorrow, and my husband is lost and wandering around the house in search of the clothes that he threw in the floor last week, little does he know that they made their way to the laundry room (not sure if he knows we have one)... NOT that they got washed. They're crumpled up in the floor underneath the pillowcase I used to clean up the dog vomit and the thousands of towels that somehow get used by only 4 people every week (hence using the pillowcase)...
...and all of this makes me want to just pull a chair up to the pantry and stuff my face with Ho-Ho's, Ding-Dongs and Doritos! And, maybe some bacon for good measure. It really has nothing to do with being hungry.
It's not only people that get on my nerves, but also those annoying little kid shows. Seriously? What is up with that show Yo Gabba Gabba? Maybe the lack of food is making me looney, but does the tall red guy resemble an, um.... uh, a huge red "personal massager" with nubbies, or is that just me? Sophia loves that show, and Barney. I know that some parents ban Barney, but who wouldn't love Barney? He keeps my Energizer-Bunny daughter entertained for more than 30 seconds at a time AND he sings about taking naps. He's tops in my book. Although, he is slightly annoying with his perkiness, and he does seem just a mite too friendly with the kiddos. Have you ever noticed that if a kid goes off alone, he always follows the lone kid instead of staying w/ the crowd? Just sayin....
Anyway, I've been toying with the idea of a blog, lately. I had a conversation with a friend this weekend and she told me that she believes that our very first passion in life is actually what God's plan is for us. It makes perfect sense to me. I've been wondering for a few years about what I WANT to do, what will make me fulfilled. I've come to the conclusion that I have no idea. I am just waiting and learning until God decides to reveal his plan for me. I'm not 100% sold that my first passion (for reading and writing) is His plan for me, but it's always been there in the back of my mind as an option. I've avoided it for fear of failing. That's what draws me to Math and Science. In those subjects, things just are what they are. There is a right and a wrong answer. Not so with writing. I thought a blog might help me get some thoughts out of my head and onto paper (or screen) where I can work with the tangible. Even if no one reads these words, they have already helped me by taking a step toward DOING something. I feel better already! I think I should celebrate with chocolate... but, instead I will just sip my black hazelnut coffee. Yum. Oh wait, I'll do that after I discover how my daughter has managed to drench herself in water when the bathroom doors are all closed. Do I want to know? SERENITY NOW!
It's SO difficult, but I've seen that the weight will come off as long as I stick to it exactly, so it really is all on me! Either way, I walk away from this diet with a better feeling because 1 of 2 things will happen. 1) (my favorite) I get smart and stick to it until the end and fight the weight off and enjoy the closet full of clothes that have been missing my attention for months or 2) I realize that I don't really despise my body and curves as much as I thought I did, because the reward is not worth the pain.
Coffee has kept me sane, though. When my toddler has crumbled oreos from the kitchen all the way into the living room to mix with the milk she spilled on the entertainment center, and my dog has copped a squat in his favorite place (the dining room, for crying out loud!), my teenager announces that regardless of the fact that I've been cleaning all day.... everything except myself, that is, that she needs supplies for a project... by tomorrow, and my husband is lost and wandering around the house in search of the clothes that he threw in the floor last week, little does he know that they made their way to the laundry room (not sure if he knows we have one)... NOT that they got washed. They're crumpled up in the floor underneath the pillowcase I used to clean up the dog vomit and the thousands of towels that somehow get used by only 4 people every week (hence using the pillowcase)...
...and all of this makes me want to just pull a chair up to the pantry and stuff my face with Ho-Ho's, Ding-Dongs and Doritos! And, maybe some bacon for good measure. It really has nothing to do with being hungry.
It's not only people that get on my nerves, but also those annoying little kid shows. Seriously? What is up with that show Yo Gabba Gabba? Maybe the lack of food is making me looney, but does the tall red guy resemble an, um.... uh, a huge red "personal massager" with nubbies, or is that just me? Sophia loves that show, and Barney. I know that some parents ban Barney, but who wouldn't love Barney? He keeps my Energizer-Bunny daughter entertained for more than 30 seconds at a time AND he sings about taking naps. He's tops in my book. Although, he is slightly annoying with his perkiness, and he does seem just a mite too friendly with the kiddos. Have you ever noticed that if a kid goes off alone, he always follows the lone kid instead of staying w/ the crowd? Just sayin....
Anyway, I've been toying with the idea of a blog, lately. I had a conversation with a friend this weekend and she told me that she believes that our very first passion in life is actually what God's plan is for us. It makes perfect sense to me. I've been wondering for a few years about what I WANT to do, what will make me fulfilled. I've come to the conclusion that I have no idea. I am just waiting and learning until God decides to reveal his plan for me. I'm not 100% sold that my first passion (for reading and writing) is His plan for me, but it's always been there in the back of my mind as an option. I've avoided it for fear of failing. That's what draws me to Math and Science. In those subjects, things just are what they are. There is a right and a wrong answer. Not so with writing. I thought a blog might help me get some thoughts out of my head and onto paper (or screen) where I can work with the tangible. Even if no one reads these words, they have already helped me by taking a step toward DOING something. I feel better already! I think I should celebrate with chocolate... but, instead I will just sip my black hazelnut coffee. Yum. Oh wait, I'll do that after I discover how my daughter has managed to drench herself in water when the bathroom doors are all closed. Do I want to know? SERENITY NOW!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)